Tolerable Fakes and Liars

For the most part, I despise fakes and liars. Who doesn’t? But I understand people who commit certain harmless fakeries and lies. And honestly, who hasn’t? I’m not talking about spreading pernicious rumors, or stealing someone else's creation, or even lying on your resume. Those are bad and wrong. I’m talking about those times when we buoy ourselves up socially, or speak a minor untruth to avoid awkwardness. Tolerable fakes and liars include the following.

Poseurs

In many music and art subcultures, poseur is the ultimate insult. Punks especially disdained poseurs, and feared they were poseurs. Poseurs are unconvincing followers who copy a self-defined legit crowd. They are too cute, too perfect, and too late to get a clue about what matters. They can’t tell the good stuff from the knock-offs, or speak with authority about this band or that, and their street cred score is a big zilch.

But poseurs, for the most part, are just kids trying on an identity and attempting to create social armor. It’s a phase, at least for most people. You might find them irritating, but who else is going to buy your unbelievably esoteric record?

Posthumous poseurs

Posthumous poseurs aren’t dead, but long after a moment or a movement is dead, they stake a claim at its center. A suspiciously high number of Seattleites assert they knew Kurt Cobain, perhaps saw him play at an abandoned storage unit or bought him his first ratty cardigan. And the way some people talk, you’d think they were listening to Sharon Jones back when she still worked at Rikers. The only harm done by posthumous poseurs is that they rob people with a legitimate (if minor) claim to fame of their glory. Overall, though, their tales are just contemporary fish stories.

People who nod "yes" when they don’t really understand something

You must be a saint if you've never nodded "yes" when you don't really understand something. I confess, I have sometimes found it unavoidable at a party or at work.

For instance, at a party, say someone is telling me a story, and before she continues with it, she asks if I understand some obscure thing. Like, “You know how search engine coding works, right?” Turns out I don't know, but unless I really want an explanation, I'm going to nod "yes" to this question. Otherwise, I will glaze over, which is likely to insult this person.

At work it's a similar thing. I remember moments when I nodded that I understood a concept, then raced back to my desk to research it. It sounds phony, but the alternative--having someone explain something I could find out myself--would have wasted several people's time. I consider my nod retroactively honest once I actually did my research!

People who commit to something they don’t even know how to do

I'm fully against committing to something you have no intention of doing. That's just a flat out lie and someone is going to get hurt. But if you commit to doing something, even if it is over your head, and you know you will figure it out to meet your commitment, that's great! You’re stretching yourself and taking a risk. And as long as you meet your commitment, saying yes is retroactively honest! (I like this idea of retroactive honesty.)

People who act like they're meditating or praying when they aren’t

There you are on your yoga mat, eyes closed, looking for all the world like a beacon of spiritual light. But really you’re thinking about the new puppy at home. What should you name it? You need a leash, a bowl, a kennel. Should you dress it? Would that be cute or stupid? Your mind is anything but clear and open.

And you in church, near the back. You look for all the world like you're deep in prayer, but you're really thinking about how you’ll make ends meet and what’s for dinner.

What you do while you're "meditating" or "praying" is none of my business. And personally, I think showing up and going through the motions has its place. You're keeping up a practice that you believe in, and that's more than a lot of us manage.

So...

I say, in the name of overall truth and harmony, I can live with little fakes and lies, in myself and in others. And whenever possible, I'll make them retroactively true!