Cute on the Hanger

Thank you, every woman who writes negative comments about a garment she bought online. You help me avoid that deflating moment when I rip open a UPS envelope, try on the adorable sweater or wear-everywhere dress inside...and realize that, at least on me, the item is nothing like what I imagined.

Here are a few articulate and creative comments from disappointed online clothes shoppers:

in real life this was a dud

felt like it was made out of an old tire

poufs out in front...giving the appearance of a stomach where there is none!

bagged at the bust

much gaping in the armhole area

requires considerable bust to avoid gaping

ballooned at the knee

Cute on the hanger, but I am constantly trying to adjust the top to keep from "exposing" myself. Even double sided tape doesn't work. Simply hate it.

I hated the fit of the pockets, they popped out and looked like parenthesis ( and ).

might as well wear a long pillow case

very synthetic looking meltable fabric

might have worked if I gained weight and grew

better on someone with an apple-shaped body

may be perfect for the girl with no padding in her posterior

if I had a narrower waist and more of a behind, these pants might be really cute

these cords just make me sad

sad to see these go back in the mail

sad to have to return

sadly, I had to send this back

More Summer Indulgence

Fall must be right around the corner. I know this because I feel a bit guilty for posting the following Rum and Coke Slurpee recipe. It's pretty decadent, and fall gets judgy about summer's loose ways. My tinge of guilt tells me fall's coming. But, too bad, fall. You're not the boss of me. It's going to be in the 90s this week, so for now I'll continue to follow my adolescent summer bliss.

Start this recipe early, as the granita takes about three hours to freeze.

Rum and Coke Slurpee

Granita

For each serving, you need:

3/4 c. Coke (Mexican, real sugar variety preferred)
1 TBS. rum
juice of half a lime (or to taste)

Multiply the ingredients for the number of servings you want. Combine all together in a metal or glass pan that's big enough to hold the mixture so it is not more than two inches deep. Place in freezer. Every 45 minutes or so, stir the mixture with a fork. This breaks up the ice so it doesn't freeze as a solid mass, and it also help the mixture freeze evenly. The granita freezes in about three hours, depending on how much you make.

Meanwhile...

Round up and cool the other items you'll need:

Coke (enough for a liberal splash in each serving)
Rum (1 TBS per serving)
Glasses
Straws

Cool the Coke and rum in the refrigerator.
A few minutes before you want to serve the slurpees, place the glasses in the freezer.

Make the slurpees

Line up the glasses and place about 1/2 cup of granita in each. To each, add a tablespoon of rum and a liberal splash of Coke. Do not stir!* Divide the remaining granita between the glasses. Place a straw in each glass and enjoy!

* Part of the joy of drinking a slurpee is that you stir and jab at the slushy ice as you  go. This mixes the drink as necessary.

The Brains of Summer

Something strange and wonderful happens to our brains in summer. Our rules and routines float away on the breeze. We're nostalgic and lazy. Is it the vitamin D, or the sun in our eyes? Is it because we're too darn hot to think, or that we're wearing fewer clothes? I don't know. The brains of summer beat to a different drummer.

Exhibit A. Reading preferences turn fluffy. Friends stock their Kindles with mysteries, romances, travel stories, and People. When the heat's on, I prefer rock bios. They're trashy, revealing, romantic, nostalgic, and disgusting. Perfect.

Exhibit B. We consume weird stuff: crustacean legs, stuff on sticks, deep fried friends, and sweet drinks with tons of ice and a straw. Last weekend I made corn dog bites and rum and coke slurpees. Are the corn dogs made from produce available only in summer? I think not. Are the slurpees too sweet for me in any other season? I think so. But in summer, they're perfect.

Exhibit C. We summer-crush on music we don't typically listen to. Never mind the time I got caught singing Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" in the New Mexican heat. That was an aberration even by summer standards, not a crush. My current summer crush is on a band I thought I left back in the '70s next to a pair of Famolares: Electric Light Orchestra (listen and love here). This fling might go on well into the fall, or even develop into a serious relationship. It feels real in the moment.


If I could focus and think right now, I'd figure out how to bottle this mood so I could access it in November. But I can't, so excuse me while I find an icy drink and a bad book.

***

Here's the corn dog recipe. Follow it as is, except cut bite sized pieces, batter and fry them, then skewer them on a short stick. I'll post the slurpee recipe next time.

Hello, 4 a.m.

Well hello, 4 a.m. You're magic when I want to see you, and so unwelcome when I need sleep.

Last night I went to bed early and exhausted, as a full moon rose over a neighbor's house, so this time 4 a.m. feels luxurious and cool. I'm rested and marginally awake. Or, I'm fully awake, but in an altered state.

Whether 4 a.m. appears at the close of a late night out or at the early opening of a new day, it glows with stars and planets, the moon and street lights. Edges blur. Dogs sleep and cars won't lift off from their parking spaces for hours. Boundaries and practicalities aren't yet in place, so anything is possible. Dreams, from moments ago, feel as real as anything real, and wildest hopes seem not at all wild, but likely.